Angry Potato Bird.

 

This is the Angry Potato Bird.

Why is he so angry?

He sold his legs for money so he could buy cocaine.

He really wanted crumpets.

Thoughts on a puppy

What I thought having a puppy would be like....

And the reality...

Oh the joy of having all your time taken up by a biting, barking demon.

Pigdog likes Slugs

I have a new dog, he snuffles like a pig, therefore he has earned the name Pigdog.

He has a fascination with slugs.

It truly sickens me.

The Obese Unicorn

 

Far far away in a land that is made of marshmallows and where the snowflakes are actually lard lives The Obese Unicorn.

Hie eats so much that his vomit is 100% food and thus has cured world hunger in the magical land. People come from miles around to see him in his glory...and to tell him to take a bath now and again. He stinks.

He also sweats when he thinks.

Have a happy period? How about no?

I hate these adverts with happy, bubbly women leaping about and smiling like their faces  will crumble if they stop."Oh I am on my period, I can skydive and shop and act normal!" Fuck off. I want to cry, complain and eat my own weight in chocolate until I feel obese and horrified by myself. Then I will lie under my blankie and hate you all from its protection.

Warm.

Urgh. Warm. I hate warm. I dislike to sweat. It upsets me greatly.

Unhappy sun started off as a flower too. He is angry as he is all molteny and burny. All he wants is an ice cream.

Unhappy flower just wants to be loved.

Dogs are stupid.

Manwife and I got a dog. She is the bane of my life. I have a dog at my mothers house (Manwife and I aren't at the living together stage of our commitment) and he is stupid but awesome. This other dog, however, doesn't have any sense at all. Not. At. All. None. She is so vacant I sometimes wonder how she gets through the day.
We walk her up past Manwife's house on a regular basis, she knows this route and it's all fine and dandy.

However.

One night we were walking her, it was getting dark and we were on the home stretch of the journey when something alarmed her.

She suddenly began to look at an object on the floor in utter terror. We wondered what this could be as she has come across most animals like hedgehogs and such on her walks. But whatever this creature was had totally terrified her. She circled it and circled it and wouldn't go near it. We went to look at what had terrified our dog so...

...and found it was a rock covered in moss.

Not a horrid creature that might hurt her, not something that she'd never seen before. She was scared of a rock with moss on it.

Sigh.

Unicorn of Doom

This is the UNICORN OF DOOM. He enjoys chaos and death and other such things that he really shouldn't like. Sometimes he belches pure DOOM and bad things happen. He tries not too but he does eat a lot of gas producing foods.

Kevin.

I like unicorns. A lot. Especially ones that aren't as stereotypically happy as they are all made out to be. This is Kevin, he is unhappy because he is upside down. He isn't very friendly and doesn't like too many people.

Especially priests, a priest once called him "inverted" rather than upside down and he cried himself to sleep. Hot bitter tears of utter hatred.

Poor Kevin.